The tickle of curiosity. The gasp of discovery. Fingers running across the keyboard.

The tickle of curiosity. The gasp of discovery. Fingers running across a keyboard

Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Heroine Should Always Carry a Condom - How to Save Your Character's Life


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English: Unwrapped condom
English: Unwrapped condom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
One of the things that I enjoy about developing a character is figuring out what she might carry in her EDC (Every Day Carry). What tools could she pull out of her purse to save her life?

One of the smallest and most practical pieces of EDC your character could carry is a non-lubricated condom. Many survivalists pack the condoms into their pocket-sized EDC tins that they have on them at all times. (More about this in an upcoming blog). But why? Do these burly SEALS think they're going to find a heroine in the middle of the jungle who needs stress relief? Not so much. Here are some of the ways your girl can make her day a little smoother with a condom in hand.



English: An example of an EDC or 'Everyday Carry'
 An example of an EDC or 'Everyday Carry' (Photo credit: Wikiped

English: Used condom
 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1. Perhaps she is a drug mule  Sad but true, she could
    pour her powdered drug into the condom, knot it off,
    and swallow it. This would also work for a
    micro-chip, camera memory card or other tiny object
    with which she needed to escape. Dire straights call
    for dire choices.

2. Retaining DNA samples.

3. FOR FIRST AID
   * Cut the end off and slip over a cast or bandaged
      area so that one could bathe or shower.
      Video Quick Study - wound protection
   *Make shift/last resort rubber glove when
     staunching blood.
   * Make shift tourniquet - while this may sound like a
      stretch (no pun intended), imagine how helpful this
      tool would have been at the Boston Marathon
      bombing.
   * When no tape is available, cut off the end and use it
Front of package for LifeStyles condom
 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
      to slide over a leg or arm to hold a cloth in place.
      Even  without a cloth it will help keep debris and
      bugs out of the wound and apply pressure to the
      area. Helpful for burns, as well.
      (See above video quick study.)
    * If someone had a tooth knocked out, put the tooth
       with some milk (or water if no milk is available) into
       the condom and tie it closed. Go immediately to an
       emergency dentist.
   * If a character has a sucking chest wound from an
      accident or gun shot etc., your heroine would see air
      bubbles and blood. Place the condom (in its
      package) over the wound and tape three sides of it
      in place. It is important to leave the bottom untaped.

4. Speaking of gunshots, a condom will protect a gun from water, sand, and other debris.


Sex is Dangerous 2
(Photo credit: timtak)

5. Dry Is Good!
   * If your heroine is an actress/singer/PI/Operative, she might know the little trick of putting her microphone
      in a condom and taping it to her skin. This prevents sweat/rain/moisture from messing up the feed.
   * If she breaks down on the side of the road and decides to hike to an area where she has cell reception in
      a rain storm, she might just stick her phone, GPS, matches, and other supplies into the condom she
      keeps in her wallet for just such emergencies. It is surprising how much volume a condom can hold!
      (Think one gallon of water)
   *  If your heroine is a bad-ass, she might use the condoms to keep her detonation fuses dry.

6. Survival  -Okay - now you've put your heroine into a zombie apocalypse survival situation. She may
     be the hottest babe left alive, but she's smart enough to put her condoms to use in keeping her that way.
     There are four basics to survival: shelter, food, water, fire. A condom can help with all of these.
     * Shelter - A condom can be used as cordage to tie limbs together for a debris hut.
English: Used condom Slovenčina: Použitý kondom
 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
     * Water -  You can carry about 2 liters of water
       safely. While condoms are very stretchy they
       are also easy to break. To prevent a loss, make
       sure that you insert the condom into a sock before
       the condom is filled. The sock will help provide the
       needed structure as well as help prevent something
       from piercing the condom. If your heroine is trained,
       she might just have a water purification tablet or two
       with her EDC.
       VIDEO QUICK STUDY (1:07)
     * Fire
       1. Make a fire using a water filled condom like a
           magnifying glass.
           VIDEO QUICK STUDY (0:48)
       2. Store dry kindling - it may be dry now, but your intrepid heroine knows nothing goes well for her.
           Was that a roll of thunder she hears? Or, if she is without dry kindling, the condom itself will serve the
           purpose.
Camp Fire at Yelagiri
 (Photo credit: Sylvianism1)
           VIDEO QUICK STUDY (0:34)
       3. "But wait!" you say. "It's overcast. My heroine doesn't
             smoke and doesn't have her EDC. Her boyfriend is
             passed  out. The only thing in his pockets is a bunch of
             condoms. How could she start a fire?"
             Your heroine can still cook her caught bird and make a
             roaring signal fire if she uses the condoms to make the fire
             drill that she saw someone use on one of those survivor
             shows. Sure it's hard to do - but what else does she have
             to do with her time?
             VIDEO QUICK STUDY (3:08)
      *Food
       1. Condom Slingshot - Yup. She played with slingshots as a kid, and was pretty good! Why not have
           squirrel  for dinner?
            VIDEO QUICK STUDY (1:11)
       2. Blow up the condom a little and tie a knot. Now you have a fishing bob.

* Other ways to save herself and the guy she loves?
   1 Well, "fishermen in certain parts of the Amazon have found a way to protect their privates from one of
      the scariest fishes of all - the candiru. Nope, candirus don’t bite and eat you up like piranhas, but they
      can be scary in the sense that they can enter through your genitals and make their homes in your body.
      Candirus entering the penis can be very painful, as you feel them wriggling inside of you. By putting on a
      condom every time you go fishing or wading in the waters, you are saving yourself and your penis from a 
      lot of hurt and pain."  LINK
   2. If she falls in the water she can blow up a dozen condoms and use them as a flotation device. (Yeah - I
       know. Why would she have a dozen condoms on her? Maybe she stole them from the Amazon
       fishermen?
   3. If push comes to shove, a condom can be used as a garrote to choke the assailant.
   4. And of course - to protect your heroine from STDs and unwanted pregnancies


Photograph of unrolled Durex condom
Photograph of unrolled Durex condom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Fun Facts:
* The Danish word for condom is Svangerskabsforebyggendemiddel.
* In 1844 Charles Goodyear got a patent on crepe rubber condoms. Yes a VERY good year! LINK



Prezerwatywa, z angielskiej wiki
Prezerwatywa, z angielskiej wiki (Photo credit: Wikipedia)




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14 comments:

  1. Wow. That's a really long danish word. not easy to uttered in a moment of passion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can imagine when said with such passion, can be a huge turn on ;)

      Delete
  2. They can also be used for making balloon animals*** at an unexpected child's party. Or even for an expected child who has an unexpected party.

    ***only certain animals, obviously. It would be very difficult to make, say, a hedgehog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great idea, John. Hey! If you send a video of your balloon animals, I'll be glad to post them.

      Delete
    2. I'm more interested in seeing the reaction of the kids' parents when they see the...condom animals...

      Delete
  3. Wow, who knew condoms could save your life! I don't know about keeping kindling dry, though. Wouldn't the sticks pierce the rubber?
    Thanks Fiona, great post.

    Evelyn Arvey / Gail Bridges

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Evelyn, thanks for stopping by! What I meant by kindling in the condom would be any dry fibrous materials that would easily catch a spark like pocket lint, crushed pine needles, wood shavings, cattail tips... things like that. If you're trying to spark a twig you'll get no where fast.

      Hmmm maybe I should do an article on how your heroine can start a fire in the woods. Yup! I'm putting that on my to do list. I just want to experiment with some of the techniques, and I'll get my Eagle Scout son to help me write it.

      Cheers! Fiona

      Delete
  4. Did the condom thing in the jungles in Belize, me and my best friend both fully protected. My best friend being my rifle..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Okay, this has to be one of my favorite posts! We call the fish in question the "penis fish." They are nasty little buggers. It would be interesting to find out how the guy who did the slingshots made the Kelou in question for attaching the thorns.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Definitely a cool post. Curious though if the heroine has a latex allergy, would she even 'think' of keeping a condom in her kit... I mean, I can see how it would be useful even so, but would she think of it.

    Also, the thing about the fish is... questionable at best:
    http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2013/11/candiru-fish-dont-swim-stream-urine/

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey Eden,

    Only certain kinds of heroines would even think to put a condom in her kit. This is not your every day lady. If using condoms for first aid, obviously the victim couldn't have a latex allergy (or maybe they do and and are past out and don't tell her and then go into anaphylactic shock and die - wouldn't that just be a horrible plot twist?) She would be wearing nitrile gloves so she would not be in contact with it. If she were using the condoms for non-urgent medical care, I would try to find unlubricated sheep skin or another work around. But if she's packing a kit, then she's a smart girl and can figure all of that out.

    Cheers,
    Fiona

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have another way is that it can be used to protect the water for the smartphone or can be used to contain water for example.

    ReplyDelete