Can I Pour You a Cup of Tea? Rituals and Your Characters with Miriam Ruff

How do we humanize our characters? How can we make them three dimensional - someone we'd like to know and maybe even hang with? You can give them interesting hobbies, you can give them pets with great personalities . . . Have you considered giving them a ritual? In my writing, I often like to counterbalance volatile and physical with composed and mental.

In my Lynx series, Lexi Sobado's mentor taught her to meditate on phrases as a child. It was a daily ritual. And now here is a quick blip from a scene where she is using that ritual to help her get through a harrowing moment:

    Spyder pulled back on the yoke, easing the corporate jet up through the cloud bank. “John Quincy Adams said, ‘Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.’ I wish you to apply that quote to this moment and tell me your thoughts.”
    I peeked out from under my eyelids. I didn’t want to apply quotations; I simply wanted to survive the next five hours with Spyder piloting this Cessna. He was a competent pilot, but this was a blustery day and the turbulence severe. I was experiencing a big old helping of déjà vu from the last time I had been in a plane. It had crashed…
     “Come. I wish to hear what you have to say,” Spyder prompted.
     I licked the dry stickiness from my lips and tried to think past the drumbeat of my heart. My joints had locked and my muscles braced. I shoved my feet into the floor, pressed my back flat against my seat, and pulled the safety belt so tightly that it denied circulation. “The difficulty I am experiencing right now is fear of dying,” I finally managed; my voice not much above a whisper.

CUFF LYNX

I find it interesting when a character leans on ritual in times of crisis like a good friend. Or perhaps even as a means of forging friendships.

I thought today you all might enjoy meeting my friend Miriam

Ruff. Miriam is a ritual tea drinker. So let's explore that a little, see how she talks about her ritual; how her ritual appeals to all of the senses; how she uses it in her life. I find this intriguing in terms of character development. I'll be interested to hear in the comments section what your take away from this interview was and also if you have rituals in your life and/or use them in your writing.

Fiona - 
Welcome, Miriam. I'm wondering how you found your way to loving tea and the ceremonial way that you prepare it.

Miriam -
I really don't remember when I started avidly drinking tea - I know I was very young, six or seven I think. At that time most of what I liked about tea was the taste and the calm feeling it gave me.

It wasn't until I was grown and had the opportunity to drink "quality" tea - loose leaf tea from a specialty tea preparer or tea importer that I began to understand that there was more to tea than just taste.

I was in my thirties, I guess, when I began switching over to only imported teas and making a ritual of the process. There was care in the boiling of the water, the smell of the tea in the tin before it was brewed, the aroma as it was brewing, the "mouthfeel" as I sipped slowly, and the final enjoyment of the cup (a very large one, naturally). I began to read more about tea, ask questions, and was finally driven to my current favorite importer by a letter to the editor in the Washington Post. I cold-called the guy and got great information. Now I try to pass all that along - pay it forward, so to speak.

Fiona - 
Can you take us through your ritual step by step?

Miriam - 

1. Select the tea. First, whether I feel like black, green, oolong, or white, and second, which type of the category I've chosen appeals to me most at that time.
2. Put the kettle on to boil the water.
3. Place my tea of choice into a filter bag (my pot doesn't have its own infuser), measuring it out more by art than by science. It's generally considered best if you use one teaspoon for each person and then "one for the pot," but I adjust according to how fast I know the tea will brew. A bolder, larger leaf will take much longer to brew than a small leaf because of surface area.
4. I watch the kettle. Only black teas should be steeped with boiling water. You wouldn't believe how many people I've run into who say they hate green tea because it's so bitter. The problem is that they've been using boiling water, which pulls out all the bitter in a green tea, which is an un-oxidized tea. You should use about 195 degrees for a green tea, between 180-190 for an oolong, depending on if it's a black or a green oolong, and about 175 for a white tea. You can get a tea thermometer to test the water. I just have a sense of it now, so I don't bother.
5. Don't follow the instructions that say steep 3-5 minutes - way too strong!! I first waft the steam from the pot by my nose to get a hint of the aroma, which is also an indication of how much it's steeped. I start tasting a small amount at about one minute then every 30 seconds after that until it's done.
6. I should mention that I set aside a period every day to do this and make sure I'm not checking e-mails, looking at my phone, etc. Tea is a meditation, and it should be treated as such.
7. Then I set aside a half hour or so to drink a couple of cups, first rolling the brew around my tongue to taste it fully, then just enjoying the tea with my mind clear.

The tea in its triple-foil-lined package (a Darjeeling GFOP) and the accessories needed to make it.

Putting the filter with the tea into the pot to prepare for brewing.

Pouring the water over the tea in the pot to allow to brew. Water should always be poured OVER tea - tea should never be added to hot water or it won't steep properly.

There is an option for people who only want a small amount of tea at a time. I have a "tea duckie" that's good for infusing a single cup at a time. It has an infuser basket at the bottom that you fill with tea leaves. Then you pour the water over the duckie in the cup and let it steep until it's done. If people are interested in getting them, they can contact me on social media for information. 


Fiona -
You have a scientific background, I can see bits of that as you describe the art of creating a beautiful cup of tea.

Do you feel that balance, aesthetics and science in your preparation? Is that part of the appeal?

Miriam - 
I like to think of tea as the mixture of science with art to create a beautiful environment.

Yes, it is definitely part of the appeal. At first, I did everything by the book. Then I assessed where that didn't work and determined how to change those things. Now, especially when I'm introducing someone new to "good tea," I tell them the science of it but make sure to let them appreciate the aesthetics. When done properly, they're completely hooked by the experience, and I feel rewarded.

Fiona -
If I was writing you as a character, what kinds of thoughts would you engage in as you sip your cup? Are you being mindful and meditative? Do you allow your mind to free-roam and give you new ideas? Do you really really struggle to keep from checking your e-mail?

And thank you for introducing me to good tea.

Miriam - 
You're very welcome.

I really try to be mindful and meditative, but I find I do great thinking when I let my mind wander where it wants to go. I let the experience of relaxing with the tea fuel my thoughts and my creativity. I get really, really annoyed if the phone rings or if someone comes to the door, and I'm very good about not checking my mail while this is going on. I find I'm much more productive after a tea session than before.

Fiona -
How frequently is this a private ritual and when might you share this special time with others, or do you? How does that change things?

Miriam -
I make this my private ritual every day, but I do have times when I invite friends over for tea. I walk them through the process if they're not familiar with it, and if they already are, we try to steer the conversation toward positive things, thereby reinforcing that tea is a positive ritual. I even make tea when I'm tutoring for my students, so they can learn something new and share my appreciation. I find it is an excellent method of helping us communicate more easily.

Fiona - 
Do you feel a kinship if someone says they are a tea drinker? Do you then question them and put them on a tea drinking hierarchy -- for example I was drinking Yogi tea before you "fixed" me. Did you feel I was rehabilitatable? Do you just prefer to move on to other topics if people tell you they drink Lipton sweeeeeeeeet tea?

Miriam - 
Yes, I do feel a kinship, and I love to swap tea stories with people who already know about how to brew and drink good tea. And, yes, I'll admit I do put people in a sort of hierarchy. Funny story: I was at my boyfriend's a couple of weeks ago, and one of his roommates was reaching for the Lipton bag. "Hold on!" I told him, "we're about to make some real tea." Turns out he loves tea and really appreciated the good stuff when it came out. Now I do this routinely for the house.

And, yes, it's very gratifying to see my students pick up tea drinking habits. It's a lesson you can't learn from books, only from experience, and it's part of the way I show them that you can learn in many different ways.

Fiona -
After the tea ritual is over how do you feel and for how long does this feeling last? And piggybacking on that thought, what would disturb this feeling and how would that make you feel?

Miriam - 
It usually sets me up for several hours, and I may continue to drink small amounts of tea throughout the day to help boost the feeling. It's a tactile reminder of the meditative state. 

I get angry when something intrudes on my tea time, whether it's by myself or with other people. It's so important to my mental and emotional well-being to have that quality time, that I'm upset when it's disturbed. If that happens, though, I do try to repeat the process later in the day.

Fiona - 
Now we know how to agitate our tea drinking heroine.

Miriam -  
Yep.

Disturbing any meditative or ritualistic process is agitating, I'd say. The sense of fulfillment comes from the completion of the ritual.

Fiona - 
Do you find that rituals permeate your life? Do you have systems that help to maintain inner quietude like - like a certain place you put your keys and a certain way you hang your clothes? If yes: did the tea ceremony help create the idea of ritual or did your natural rituals (read as habits) bring you to the tea table? So which came first the chicken or the egg?

Miriam -
Yes, I have a lot of rituals, and that's both good and bad. Too many rituals, and rituals that disturb a normal life, are unhealthy. People with OCD, for example, have ritualized behaviors that can be quite detrimental. However, rituals of studying and working were what got me through college successfully and with an Honors degree. I believe my tea ceremony came out of my natural sense of a need for order (kind of like why I'm drawn to science), which was then combined with my need for something that would bring about emotional well-being. It is also something that allows me to be artistic, too, and in a way that fosters my writing.

Fiona - 
Have you found similar personalities in those whom you've met that are ritualistic tea drinkers (meditative practioners)? If yes, can you name some, knowing this is a generalization and not a precise categorization?

Miriam - 
I have met similar personalities, and I find that it's a common ground that allows us to get along well together right from the start. One of my mother's old friends from college is a tea drinker, and I often go to her house for afternoon tea. The brewing (which she leaves to me), the pouring, the refilling of the cups has become a joint pleasure. A lot of the people I know, though, are from the importing companies where I get my tea, so I can't say that I really "know" them, and we don't do tea except for discussions about certain cultivars while I'm ordering.

I've found, though, that some of my friends and students whom I've introduced to the practice are eager to repeat the ritual when we get together, and I even made tea the centerpiece of my friend's parrot's birthday party, although the bird abstained.

Fiona - 
Too funny. How could we learn more about tea and ritual?

Miriam -
I've actually written an e-book on brewing and drinking the perfect cup of tea, that will hopefully allow others to partake of the same pleasure that I have. It's called "Tea-sing Your Taste Buds," and its available in the Products section of my website: www.bumbershootwriting.com.

The guide has a lot of resources for people who want to follow up on where to buy tea, how to choose it, etc. I'm also absolutely willing to talk with anyone interested in discussing the topic. They can just e-mail me, and I guarantee I'll respond.

Fiona - 
At Thrillwriting we traditionally ask about your favorite scar.

Miriam - 
Define scar.

Fiona - 
It's for you to define.

Miriam - 
I'd have to say disappointment, probably, that some of the people I've introduced to tea have drunk it and said, "That's nice." Ouch, that hurt. It's like a writer being told their story is "fine." Fine. What does that mean other than you couldn't care less one way or the other?

Fiona - 
What have you written recently?

Miriam - 

I have a couple of stories that came out recently. "Shades of Black" is the most recent one, and it's a little bit different from most of the pieces I write in that it's a contemporary psychological horror story - I tend to prefer science fiction and related genres. I also have another story called "Inmish Taka" that will be coming out once the cover art is completed, and it's set in the same universe as "The Coup," which is also on my website

Fiona - 
How can we stay in touch?

Miriam - 
I'm on Facebook at facebook.com/bumbershootwriting and Twitter at @ruffmiriam.

Bumbershoot, Inc.
A full-service writing and editing company.
Thank you so much for visiting and sharing Miriam.

As always, a big thank you ThrillWriters and readers for stopping by. Thank you, too, for your support. When you buy my books, you make it possible for me to continue to bring you helpful articles and keep ThrillWriting free and accessible to all.