Relationship Deal Breakers: Things to Keep In Mind When Constructing Characters

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Relationship deal breakers: traits that ruin the chances right out of the gate


This article is based on the study conducted by:
1. Peter K. Jonason1⇑
2. Justin R. Garcia2
3. Gregory D. Webster3
4. Norman P. Li4
5. Helen E. Fisher5
1. 1Western Sydney University, Australia
2. 2Indiana University Bloomington, USA
3. 3University of Florida, Gainesville, USA
4. 4Singapore Management University, Singapore
5. 5Rutgers University, New Brunswick, NJ, USA



Awesome! Your hero has met the one. It was a magical heartwarming encounter. He turned and bumped into her, and she spilled scalding hot coffee down both of their fronts. It was a shared moment of excruciating pain and quick undressing. But she took his number! Sure, it was with the understanding that he'd need to pay her dry cleaning  and medical bills. But it was a foot in the door!

What characteristics could you give your would-be love interest that would assure the reader that the hook up will never happen?

Well, it turns out that the NUMBER ONE - "no thank you" quality is...

 A MESSY unkept appearance - Described as a "disheveled or unclean appearance," according to 71% of women/63% of men. Clean them up before you send them out on the street. If you think that your heroine's showing up all grimey from digging in the garden with that cute little  smudge of dirt on her upturned nose is going to catch the studmuffin you've conjured up, deep down your readers (for the most part) aren't buying it. 

LAZY -Seventy-two percent of women/60 percent of men


NEEDY - That damsel in distress isn't pulling out the knight in shining armor qualities of your hero. 57% of men would take a pass. Women? Yeah, they need a man who can take care of his own issues. 69% are heading out the door.


Poor Sense of HUMOR - It's a major mrph for relationships. 58% of women/50% percent of men say no to humorless partners. So make them funny, even if they met clinging to the side of a cliff, desperately kicking their feet trying to save themselves.


LONG DISTANCE Relationships.

Now this is relative. Living ten miles away in a city like Boston or LA can mean an hour commute to get there for dinner. In Texas, ten miles means they live in your backyard. 47% of women/51% of men won't get into a relationship where their love interest lives too far away.

BAD SEX - 

Here's an interesting one. Only 44% of men thought bad sex should end the relationship. 50% of women would call it quits. I'm going to leave that one there - but this kind of turns things on its head for me. I would have thought that number would be MUCH higher and possibly reversed. But it looks like women aren't willing to put up with men who are bad in the sack.

INSECURITY - 
47% of women/33% percent of men would let this relationship go by the wayside. Insecurity in most relationships is draining as the other needs constant petting and reassurance.

TECH-OBSESSED

Another interesting one. What a gender difference. 41% women would call it quits. 25% of men. Look how low that number is for guys - Take the inverse that means 75% of men are A-OK with your character binge watching Netflix all day.

LOW LIBIDO
27% women/39% men would break up if their partner had a low sex drive. So if you put this with the category for bad in bed, you could see how someone with a low sex drive, but who did well when things heated up, might still have a shot at this relationship.

 INCREDIBLY STUBBORN

34% of women/32% of men 

CHATTY

20% of women/26% of men find being chatty worse than TOO QUIET  where only 17% of women/11% of men would find this a deal breaker.

BLUNTNESS
No thank you says 17% of women/11% of men.

I DON'T WANT KIDS
The "I don't want kids" phrase will shut the door on a relationship for 15% of women/13% of men.

HAVE KIDS
12% of women/14% of men prefer their partner not have children already.

TOO BUFF

Yeah, there is such a thing. And it's a problem for 10% of women and 7% of men. Conversely, "NOT ATHLETIC" is an issue for only 6% of women - but still 7% of men. So build your characters somewhere on the interior of that spectrum.

Here's to your characters finding their heart's desires and living happily ever after!

Cheers,

Fiona