Kerry and I are working on a project, Dead & Gone: A Collection of Thirteen Serial Killer Mysteries and Thrillers. A portion of every sale goes to help Anicira a no-kill shelter.
Kerry J. Donovan:
As an editor, I work on manuscripts of all shapes and sizes (and quality), both non-fiction and fiction, and in all genres.
Despite what some authors might tell you, an editor’s job is not to hack a manuscript to shreds, belittle the author, and turn them into babbling wrecks. Neither is the editor’s job to rewrite an author’s hard-worked and beloved manuscript in an attempt to create a facsimile of Great Expectations or The Lord of the Rings. No, my job as editor is to help the author produce the absolute best book possible.
Sure, I will correct obvious spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. I will even hunt out as many typos as I can. However, I defy anyone to find any book—either traditionally or independently published—free of those irritating little typos. The cunning little bleeders get everywhere. I hate them. They hide under rocks, in bushes, down blind alleys. They lie in wait, ready to leap out at the unsuspecting reader and … ahem. Moving on.
A little while ago, an interviewer—an excellent author in her own right—asked me what errors I find most irritating as an editor. Unable to think of an instant answer, I hesitated and the interviewer—let’s call her Sue—jumped in with a few suggestions of her own.
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Kerry J. Donovan:
As an editor, I work on manuscripts of all shapes and sizes (and quality), both non-fiction and fiction, and in all genres.
Despite what some authors might tell you, an editor’s job is not to hack a manuscript to shreds, belittle the author, and turn them into babbling wrecks. Neither is the editor’s job to rewrite an author’s hard-worked and beloved manuscript in an attempt to create a facsimile of Great Expectations or The Lord of the Rings. No, my job as editor is to help the author produce the absolute best book possible.
Sure, I will correct obvious spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. I will even hunt out as many typos as I can. However, I defy anyone to find any book—either traditionally or independently published—free of those irritating little typos. The cunning little bleeders get everywhere. I hate them. They hide under rocks, in bushes, down blind alleys. They lie in wait, ready to leap out at the unsuspecting reader and … ahem. Moving on.
A little while ago, an interviewer—an excellent author in her own right—asked me what errors I find most irritating as an editor. Unable to think of an instant answer, I hesitated and the interviewer—let’s call her Sue—jumped in with a few suggestions of her own.
- Spelling errors?
- Improbable and illogical story arcs?
- Badly written action scenes?
- Inconsistent characters?
- Poor prose?
- Grammatical errors?
- Weak, vague verbs?
- Adverb overuse?
- Telling, not showing?
As is my way, I nodded sagely. Although what cooking herbs have to do with anything is beyond me.
Yep, I’d come across all those issues in my time as both editor and reader. Interestingly however, Sue missed out one of my greatest bugbears. When I mentioned the term ‘filtering in narration’, she looked at me quizzically and asked me to elaborate.
Here’s my attempt.
When I’m editing a manuscript, I try to put myself in the head of a reader and, as a reader, I want to be entertained. I need the author to pull me deep into the story. I want to ‘see’ through the narrator’s eyes. I want to feel their emotions, hurt when they are injured, smell the atmosphere they breathe. In short, I expect to be part of the scene. In fact, I don’t want anything to stand between me and the action, whether it be a swordfight on the battlements of a medieval castle, a gunfight in Tombstone, or a cavorting between the sheets in an erotic masterpiece. By the way, is the term ‘erotic masterpiece’ one of those fabled oxymorons?
Not too much to ask, is it?
This doesn’t happen when an author resorts to filtering.
I don’t intend to make this article too technical, but ‘filter’ words and phrases are any that place a barrier between the reader and what’s happening on the page.
In fiction particularly, filters act as obstacles between the events, emotion, and power of a scene. Filtering isn’t always obvious and often depends upon the point of view of the narrative, i.e. whether the book is written in first or third person, or in omniscient voice.
In first-person and close third-person narration, anything the narrator tells the reader has to be seen, felt, smelled, heard, tasted, and thought by the narrator first. So, to tell the reader ‘I remembered’ or ‘I heard’ or ‘He smelled’ or ‘He walked’ is often unnecessary filtering.
To avoid this article becoming too technical and dry, I’ll demonstrate filtering by using an example from one of my novels—a shameless promotion, I know, but bear with me here.
This extract is taken directly from my bestselling and wonderful action thriller, Ryan Kaine: On the Run. (Ed: cut out the ridiculous grandstanding, will ya! Me: Sorry. Teehee.)
Ryan Kaine: On the Run is written in close third-person point of view, and mainly through the eyes of Ryan Kaine. In this scene, Kaine is on a trawler—Herring Gull—in the middle of the North Sea. He has just fired a rocket launcher, the PAAS-4, at an object in the sky. ‘Buzzer’ is the name of the missile.
Example #1:
As the missile cleared the barrel, Kaine saw its tail fins flip open and watched the nose lift. A moment later, the afterburners ignited. The Buzzer shot forward, doubling in speed as it arced through the air and disappeared into the darkening sky. Kaine knew it was a perfect launch. The missile barely left a vapour trail. After Kaine counted seventeen seconds in his head, an orange flower bloomed in the northern sky. Kaine felt his fist clench. Success. Time to leave. He lowered the much lighter PAAS-4 and stood. Kaine felt Herring Gull lurch. Then he noticed her stern fall away and right itself as the sea crashed against the hull. The boat dipped and corkscrewed, throwing Kaine forward. From the corner of his eye, Kaine saw the PAAS-4’s barrel hit the guardrail and realised the cover protecting the targeting display had flipped open. The display screen glowed when it should have been inactive. What? He read the flashing amber numbers. 11… 10 … 9 … It was a countdown. Christ! Without thinking, Kaine heaved the weapon over the rail and watched it drop into the thrashing waters.
Brilliant, isn’t it? A scene every author would be proud to have written. (Ed: This is your final warning! Me: Ooops. My bad.) However, this isn’t the way it appeared in the novel. For this article, I’ve added many examples of filtering. Did you spot them?
Example #2:
Here’s how the passage actually appears in the novel.
As the missile cleared the barrel, its tail fins flipped open and the nose lifted. A moment later, the afterburners ignited. The Buzzer shot forward, doubling in speed as it arced through the air and disappeared into the darkening sky. A perfect launch. It barely left a vapour trail. Seventeen seconds later—he counted them—an orange flower bloomed in the northern sky. Kaine clenched his fist. Success. Time to leave. He lowered the lighter PAAS-4 and stood. Herring Gull lurched. Her stern fell away and then righted itself as the sea crashed against the hull. The boat dipped and corkscrewed, throwing Kaine forward. The PAAS-4’s barrel hit the guardrail and the cover protecting the targeting display flipped open. The screen glowed when it should have been inactive. What? Amber numbers flashed. 11 … 10 … 9 … A countdown. Christ! Kaine heaved the weapon over the rail and it dropped into the thrashing waters.
The difference is subtle but ask yourself which version is more involving. Now ask yourself why.
Example #3:
Here, I’ve emboldened the filtering to make the changes clear. Obvious now, eh?
As the missile cleared the barrel, Kaine saw its tail fins flip open and watched the nose lift. A moment later, the afterburners ignited. The Buzzer shot forward, doubling in speed as it arced through the air and disappeared into the darkening sky. Kaine knew it was a perfect launch. The missile barely left a vapour trail.
After Kaine counted seventeen seconds in his head, an orange flower bloomed in the northern sky.
Kaine felt his fist clench. Success. Time to leave.
He lowered the much lighter PAAS-4 and stood.
Kaine felt Herring Gull lurch[ed]. Then he noticed her stern fall away and right itself as the sea crashed against the hull. The boat dipped and corkscrewed, throwing Kaine forward. From the corner of his eye, Kaine saw the PAAS-4’s barrel hit the guardrail and realized the cover protecting the targeting display had flipped open. The display screen glowed when it should have been inactive.
What?He read the flashing amber numbers.
11… 10 … 9 …
It was a countdown.
Christ!
Without thinking, Kaine heaved the weapon over the rail and watched it drop into the thrashing waters.
As I said earlier, the differences between the examples are subtle, but they demonstrate why filtering can form an unnecessary interface between the reader and the action on the page. Put simply, if an author reports what a character sees, hears, feels, or watches it will ‘distance’ a reader.
In Examples #1 and #3, filtering reduced the impact of the action. Simple changes to avoid filtering can make a dramatic difference to the reader’s experience. Check over your latest work, notice any filtering, and try re-writing a passage without it. Which do think give more impact and will provide the reader a more immersive experience?
The effect of reporting what a character experiences will accumulate over the course of a novel. Eventually, filtering will create distance and the reader won’t be emotionally involved and may not care enough about your characters to read the next book in series.
Of course, there are few actual hard-and-fast rules in fiction, and everything is open to interpretation and nuance, and author’s choice. There are occasions when filtering is essential. An example would be when a character tries to eavesdrop on a conversation, as in:
Kaine pressed his ear against a boathouse door and heard little but the burble of a marine engine ticking over on idle, which drowned out the Serbian’s guttural murmur.
If you are an author, here are a few filter words to guard against in your writing:
* Consider
* Decide
* Feel
* Hear/heard
* Look
* Realise
* See/saw
* Seem
* Sound
* Think
* Touch
* Watch
* Wonder
I’m not saying you should eradicate these words from your writing, simply think about them and decide whether they are acting as filters or not. If, for dramatic purposes, you want to distance your reader from the action, do so.
Remember, you are the author. You decide what’s best for your book. As I said earlier, my role as editor is to help you write the best book possible. Although I’ll point out areas of potential weakness, it’s up to you to decide whether to take my advice or tell me where to stick it! Teehee.
Kerry J Donovan is an editor and an author. You can find out more about his books or submit your work for a free sample edit and quote via his website.
You can read his novel
The DCI Jones Casebook: Ellis Flynn
in Dead & Gone (LINK) along with these other amazing titles:
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