How do the relationships in your story develop?
Assuming romance isn’t the main conflict/goal for your protagonist, their ove life may seem like an afterthought. Which is why, too often, a romantic subplot reads like a check-box transaction at best. Or, worse, a tacked on device.
So, yeah, let’s avoid that.
The romance should be cut to fit the larger story. Just as there is no place for a broken-tooth brawl in Star Wars, there was also no place for a bitter-sweet-first-love crush. What Lucas (I’m thinking Marcia Lucas more than George, her husband) got right is that there is exactly enough room for a meet-cute as well as an immediate, fiery attraction couched in dripping acrimony.
Balance is key for these interludes to work. A beat too far one way or the other would’ve crabbed the set up. But Lucas knew he had time to fully explore both the meet-cute and the love-hate. That’s no small thing. Star Wars (Episode IV to purists) had studio financing. George and Marcia were getting “notes” from everyone but the caterer—still he trusted in his story and knew he’d get back to the budding romance.
You MUST have that same follow-your-story’s-dictates-for-what-works-in-the-space-allotted confidence.
“What does that even look like?” You ask…
My characters are emotionally deficient. They have strong survival and highly-specific social skills necessary for that street life. But those same skills impair their attempts at healthy relationships. They tend to be either impenetrable stone or total door mats, using or getting used. The challenge is to write satisfying (and hopefully believable) relationships that grow and/or end as the characters evolve.
Love is a healing emotion if the people are healthy enough to nurture and grow their relationship. However, the relationship will not save them. My characters grow over the course of the book.
If the relationship isn’t healthy and/or doesn’t grow with the characters, they often have hard decisions to make. Another theme is recognizing their own worth. Abuse—physical, emotional, (preying on insecurities) or mental, (manipulation)—is not love and nothing can grow from it.
Draw on your own experiences
I was REAL late to the relationship party. As the high-performing child in a family of business people I covered a lot of grown-up bases at the expense of my own emotional development. As a result I was awkward AF. It took me well into adulthood to kinda sort it all out and insist on relationships that were worth what I put into them.
Which brings us to the age-old question: romance or sex?
“You have to be honest with yourself and about whatever it is that does it for you. Otherwise you end up at the end of your life wishing you had been honest with yourself and gotten more of whatever it is.” Jim Brown
When one of the greatest to ever play the game imparts that kind of wisdom, you listen. That stated, I don’t want to know which, (romance or sex) Big-Bad Jim Brown was referring to.
Explore…respectfully
There are worlds of romance out there that have not been taped. My wife and I are from different ethnic backgrounds. My brother grew up “out and proud” IN TEXAS while his husband was closetted for much of his life. A friend married a woman ten-years his senior when the norm is the other way around. Popular media is only now catching up to romances like ours. I really like to see mature depictions—not caricatures or two-dimensional props, real-living-breathing people.
“I like when the woman saves herself.” Neil Gaiman
If George made a mistake anywhere (in the original trilogy) it is in the happily-ever-after for Han and Leia. Those two would have hot sex, (probably) and then make each other’s lives hell until Han got tired of having a schedule and/or Leia got tired of schlepping around with a man-child and best friend. That's not random speculation.
From years of studying the movies and books, I know Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia like a best friend. She is a woman who would NEVER mistake cruelty as flirting or abuse as something to change. You cannot change an abusive relationship and it is artistic dishonesty to suggest otherwise. The split is inevitable.
“But that doesn’t sell action figures.” [probably not] George Lucas
Net takeaway? I’m a big fan of “goodbye” in the face of negative relationships. I’m also a fan of parting ways in “we’re great but we’re not great together” relationships. For reference, skip When Harry Met Sally and instead, study The Bodyguard, or The Breakup.
Characters (in any type of relationship) should grow either in love or in separation. Too often we see the character’s growth only in terms of their relationship. The relationship should be the icing, not the cake.
The photo a the top, Han and Leia, is from a promotional poster and is the property of Lucas Film and/or Disney. Its use here for illustrative/educational purposes is covered under the Fair Use Doctrine.
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