The Body Language of Attraction: Information for Writers

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I got to observe Striker out of uniform, playing spy on a few heaven-sent operations. Men would instinctively become wary when he entered the room, closing their postures or moving away. The women would hold their ground, giving him long speculative glances. I watched them touch their hair and lift their breasts, subtle communications that they were interested, and his advances would be welcomed and rewarded. Back on those missions, I wanted to do that -- lift my breasts and bat my eyes at him to get him to notice me... ~WEAKEST LYNX 


He loves me? He loves me not?
Surely your intrepid heroine knows better than to rely on the petals of the daisy to tell her the truth -  the answer to her question is standing right in front of her.

Bodies rarely lie.

Your heroine looks beyond the words and judges whether this is a future love interest or this is a waste of her time.

The first rule of thumb is never assume. Making a determination is based on an accumulation of body language information. Some of the body language gestures that your heroine is looking for may be personality quirks that do NOT inform the communication. As an example, I have often been called out for playing with my hair - many a man has read that a woman touching her hair is a sign of sexual desire. And I'm not saying that this is incorrect in every instance of my playing with my hair - I'm just saying that in general my hair gets in my way, and I am constantly touching my hair. So this would not be a good "tell" for me. What you want your heroine to see is what changes, where does the character act differently.

A tell is a body language signal that is produced without thought. It signals information to a recipient. Some people are more dexterous in reading body language than others.

Flirtation -

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

* Women almost always begin the
   flirtation/courtship dance.
* Men pick up on the woman's body language
   and act. This is true unless a man has ulterior
   motives ex. he is looking for prey - if this is
   the motivation, then the man is looking for
   victim-body language which is a different
   topic.
* Woman will spot a male that peaks her
   interest and watches him, holds eye contact
   a millisecond longer  than is normal.
* She will flick her hair to help ensure that his
   eye perceives her.
* Once a man is aware of a woman, if he is
   interested, he will wait for an approach tell. 
   This is the signal that he is welcome to make contact with the 
   woman. If she does not offer an approach
   tell to him, he will get no where if he tries to advance.

 What might this look like? She will:

* Catch his eye
* Smile
* Preen
* And possibly lift her chest.

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Once he has approached

Signs things are going well -

* Think open - open eyes, open mouth, open gestures...
   Video Quick Study (2:44)
* Smiles (wrinkles below the eyes and at the outer corners shows 
   genuine smiling)
* Laughter
* Exposing the neck - a submissive flirtatious gesture
* Touching below the belt - thigh, bottom...
* Orienting the bodies towards each other - ignoring everyone else.
   Video Quick Study (2:03)
* Exaggerated facial expressions
* She leans towards you
* Mirrors your body language
* Flutters eyelids. This can also be a smokey room, an allergy,
   something in her eye...careful about jumping
   to conclusions - look for layers of tells not just one.
* If she crosses her leg, she will point it in a direction that will close the circle excluding others

Video Quick Study (2:48)
Video Quick Study (1:15)

Signs things are going badly -

* Crossing the legs or arms, especially for men doing the dreaded
   4 cross (an ankle across the knee) which
   effectively puts a bar between the two people.
* Belly buttons or feet facing away from the direction of the other 
   conversant
* Controlled facial expressions
* Looking away
* A pat - is a release signal (different than a touch - this is a pat,
   pat, let go)

And going really badly -

* Tucking the chin as if to take a blow
* Swiping the tongue over the teeth - teeth being a primal defense 
   weapon

So what's a girl to do to try to gain his amorous attention? She pulls out the big guns

* A woman will increase her preening and animation in order to
   hold the man's attention
* Head cants (tilt)
* Eye-pops - closing the eye for longer than a blink then opening
   the eye widely, fixing the man in her focus.
* Lip licks
* Hair flips and preening

Micro expressions

* Are universal - they are the same everywhere in the world no
   matter the educational level, gender, age, etc.
* Take place in less than 1/5 of a second.
* Unconscious and cannot be controlled
* Express the seven universal emotions:
`anger
`fear
`disgust - lines in the nose, lines under the eyes, contorting lips -
  doomesday for romance
`contempt - number one sign of a failing relationship. Asymetrical
  smile.
 Video Quick Study
`surprise
`sadness
`joy

If either contempt or disgust are seen in the micro-expressions, it's over, walk away (unless these feelings are directed to a story line instead of the person, of course).

Here's hoping your heroine falls for a fabulous guy! I wish them all the best as they move through your plots twists toward their happily ever after. Sigh.

Video Study (14:38) a little long but you can see all of these tells in action with helpful commentary

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TROUBLE! Body Language 101 for Writers Writing Aggression

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. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Is your character a police officer? Or maybe your character is the criminal? Here are some of the key "tells" that trouble is brewing.

Remember in your writing that a mind and therefore a body does not go from 0-60 in 1.3 seconds. Unless the person is a victim of a sudden attack, the body will follow the mind's processing and ramp up in aggressive signaling.

KEY BODY LANGUAGE INDICATORS:

In a traffic stop:

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1. The suspect keeps looking in the rearview mirror
2. The suspect moves their hands a lot. They should
    be still. This is a cautionary sign to which officers
    should pay close attention.
3. The suspect exits their vehicle - this can be
    interpreted in 2 ways
    a. This is part of a lier's body language
        LINK TO LYING 101 and the suspect is
        trying to distance themselves from some
       evidence.
    b. This is an act of aggression.
4. Either in or out of the vehicle: If the officer makes a
    request and there is a hesitation or non-compliance,
    the suspect has a plan in his mind.
5. Watch the hands. Does the suspect close off by
    pulling clothes tighter to the body or put their hands in pockets?
    a. This is a lier's body language that they are concealing something, either the truth or an actual object
    b. This is an act of nervousness
    c. The suspect is reaching for a weapon

Compliance is a key indicator.

Is the subject dancing around? Showing that s/he won't be following requests? Are they oppositional? Then look for these further signs that aggression will follow:

1 Defensive Barrier - arms folded across the chest

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2 Avoiding eye contact and/or averting the face
3 Rocking motions
4 Clenching fists and/or teeth

5 Target Glance - such as at your weapon or the
   point where they mean to make contact
6 Facial wipe

Further Signs of aggression
1 Squinting
2 Lowering and spreading (opening the chest and
   arms) the body for stability. This happens from a
   standing or sitting position.
3 Redness in the face
4 Exaggerated gestures including shaking fingers,
   fists
5 Forward head butts is a sign of imminent physical aggression


Clapping the hands is one of the last indicators used prior to a fight. A clap of the hands is the MAJOR tell. Violence happens immediately afterwards.

Body Language tells and concealed carry of ANY weapon

1 Belt adjustment - especially if getting up.
2 Blading - if the suspect is carrying concealed and they know an officer is on one side they will shift their
  bodies slightly away from the officer hiding any bulges from the officer.
3 Billowing - where the suspect takes their clothing and pulls it away and loosens it to hide the weapon.
4 Thumb - prior to reaching for a concealed weapon the brain will process through the action. Getting the
   thumb to clear the weapon is key. The brain practices the event prior to execution, so the thumb will often
   twitch just prior to pulling the weapon.
5 "C" hands in to the front sides of the body at the edge of the shirt hem happens prior to pulling a weapon.
6 Holding on to the bottom of the shirt with one hand in preparation for pulling it out of the way to grab a
   weapon.

VIDEO QUICK STUDY

Video 1 (4:24) Concealed Carry Body Language
Video 2 (1:26) Avoiding Violence
Video 3 (2:10) Pre-attack Indicators - real crime with tutorial

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Thank you so much for stopping by. And thank you for your support. When you buy my books, you make it possible for me to continue to bring you helpful articles and keep ThrillWriting free and accessible to all.

Related articles

• Body Language Intoduction
• Truth In Body Language

How to Write a Liar Telling a Lie: Body Language 101 for Writers

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 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lies Lies Lies

So your heroine has found herself confronted with a problem. Should she believe what the other character is telling her or run for the hills?

She has a feeling that this is all a big fat lie. Why?

Our brains are phenomenal machines that take in millions of pieces of information, sorts through, and then offers us a small little wedge of consciousness.

Here are the cross-cultural "lying tells" (Studies also run on blind people who have never seen a lie in action) that you might write into the plot line to tickle her brain awake.



1.)  The liars hands. Body language studies show that people tend to touch their face and scratch
       their nose when they lie.

2.) Their eyes. Liars tend to blink a lot and do not maintain eye contact. They will sometimes have a rapid
     eye-shift then look down to the left

3.) Liars will often skip contractions saying I did not instead of I didn't. "I did NOT kill that woman!"

4) Liars will often skip pronouns using their names instead of he or she. "I gave it to Betty Sue."

5) Liars smile using only their mouth - the smile doesn't reach their eyes. Since the brain uses only one
    part to recall but three parts to plot a lie, the face will often freeze into an expression. The typical
    expression is an ingenuous smile.

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

6) Liars close their body posture. Arms and/or
    legs may cross, shoulders scoop inward, head
    lower.

7) Often a liar will put an object between
     themselves and the person to whom they are
     lying - like a  folder, coffee mug, or chair.

8) Extended pauses in the conversation make
    liars feel uncomfortable. The liar will fill in the
    space with words.

9) Liars provide more information than necessary
   - overly specific and detailed. "The girls were
   wearing team t-shirts." v. "The team was wearing matching red and white baseball t-shirts."

10) A liar will use a qualifier: "I want you to understand that..." "You can trust me..."

11) Liars will perceptibly change their breathing, sweating, and swallowing (too much saliva or dry mouth)

12) Liars tend to list to the side.

Added note - Liars tend to prefer technology (phone calls etc.). Because they do not need to maintain their body and facial features, they can focus on their tone and delivery. But as writers, we can still show the lie being  told. And when a lie is being told through technology the body language would not be monitored, so it will be even more on evident display.



VIDEO QUICK STUDY

How to Catch a Lier (3:57)
How to Detect Lies - Steven Van Aperen (4:20)
Scam School Teaches You How to Lie. (15:51)

See how this article influenced my plot lines in my novella MINE and my novel CHAOS IS COME AGAIN.

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Thank you so much for stopping by. And thank you for your support. When you buy my books, you make it possible for me to continue to bring you helpful articles and keep ThrillWriting free and accessible to all.

Related articles

• 
  
  Four Easy Steps to Tell If a Child Is Lying
• The Kinesics of Lying

Book Review: Reading People

Cover via AmazonReading People - How to Understand People and Predict Their Behavior - Anytime, Anyplace. By Jo-Ellan Dimitrius, Ph.D., and Mark Mazzarella
http://www.dimita.com/

Available at Amazon for 10.88 new from 3.01 used
http://www.amazon.com/Reading-People-Understand-Behavior--Anytime-Anyplace/dp/0345504135/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318702907&sr=1-1


Rating: Highly recommended!

Jo-Ellan Demetrius is renowned for her ability to select a jury that will give her client a favorable outcome. She worked on the OJ trial. To be effective at jury selection, Demetrius had to hone her observation skills and her ability to read people. This book shares what Demetrius looks for when she meets people, both professionally and privately.

This is not a typical kinesics book. You will not learn that if a woman dangles her shoe from her foot that it is probably a sexual invitation (or her shoes are killing her, and she’s desperate to get them off her feet). I enjoy studying kinesics because it helps me to develop my characters’ individual, non-verbal vocabulary. When I chose a dialect and a word pattern for a certain character, I like to back it up with the correct-for-that-character gestures, stances, and ways of moving and being in their environment. Kinesics - or body language books - helps me to choose what is right for each character.

This book, instead, explains how a legal mind looks at a person and how these observations apply to the courtroom. If you are writing a lawyer - and your lawyer is good at what she does, then the information about human observation techniques might come in handy. If there is a big court scene in your book - you might want to bring in a jury selection advisor who can talk about the jury - the pros and cons of each juror being selected and how that plays out in the outcome of the case. Very interesting - the ramifications of various personalities on the outcome.

This book is not fast paced- though it is intriguing. The authors take the reader from step one to the final conclusions. They teach the hows and whys of observation and the accompanying thought processes. There is a chapter about effective listening as well as how and when to listen to intuition.

One of the ideas, which is repeated throughout, is that not every action and word choice is indicative of a whole. Sometimes people just act “off” - not themselves. It is when someone strays from the norm that the most attention should be paid. Is the generally smiling, jovial neighbor suddenly morose and drooped? Hmmm…..It is most significant when our characters act out of character. That cues the reader in - something odd is going on here; I’d better pay attention.

From a counselor’s point of view - this book encompasses much of my training. The listening techniques are techniques I used with my clients. The observations, right down to clothing choices and presentation styles, were things that I documented in my files. It was interesting to see these techniques from a different point of view.

As a writer, I like to be reminded of the importance of the small details. They help to give dimensionality to characters even if they just step in and step out of a scene. To me, when I read, if an author has included a detail that reminds me of someone I know then I can color that character in with greater ease. Who knows? The character might just remind me of my neighbor, who always dangles her shoe from her foot as she sits cross-legged - as if she were inviting a sexual overture from my husband. Not good.

Yes. I highly recommend this book for anyone in contact with humans - who might want to develop people reading skills and awareness. I highly recommend this book for writers who are developing rounded characters.