Ruth Harris is a million-copy New York Times bestselling author, Romantic Times award winner, former Big 5 editor, publisher, and news junkie.
Her emotional, entertaining women’s fiction and critically praised novels have sold millions of copies in hardcover, paperback and ebook editions, been translated into 19 languages, sold in 30 countries, and were prominent selections of leading book clubs including the Literary Guild and the Book Of The Month Club.
Her emotional, entertaining women’s fiction and critically praised novels have sold millions of copies in hardcover, paperback and ebook editions, been translated into 19 languages, sold in 30 countries, and were prominent selections of leading book clubs including the Literary Guild and the Book Of The Month Club.
I have added Anne R. Allen's Blog to the list of favorite blogs on the bottom of the right hand side lists so you can easily access Ruth and Anne's articles.
Traps surround us.
In golf, beware the sand traps.
Lobster traps in Maine.
Bear traps in the woods.
In horror novels and movies, watch out for the trap door.
Mice must shun the mouse trap.
The plant world contributes with the venus fly trap.
Then there are the other kind of traps, mental traps, the ones writers often deal with. Psychologists call them mind traps — specifically, the irrational thought patterns that cause us to feel like victims, helpless, stuck and powerless.
According to psychotherapist, Bryan E. Robinson, PhD, when we’re under stress, it’s easy to get swept away by negative thought patterns that over personalize and distort the actual event. Invisible but powerful, these dangerous traps lurk within us, ready to spring when we’re at our most vulnerable.
Dr. Robinson observes that what you say to yourself under stress pops up so automatically and with such lightning speed that we don’t even notice. Instead, we conclude that the external event — the rejection, the one-star review, the disappointing launch — is to blame for our distress.
To add to the destructive consequences, the stress that caused the trap to spring in the first place is kept alive by our own bleak conclusions — a double whammy that prevents us from escaping and moving forward.
We feel we’ll never get published, never find an agent, never figure out where the plot went off the rails. We cry, we scream, we give up. Our outlook is pessimistic — and getting worse.
We need to rescue ourselves, but how can we when we feel trapped?
1. The all-or-none trap.
Writer X opens his/her mail and finds another rejection slip. Writer X groans/sighs/curses and a familiar script immediately unfolds in his/her mind.
“This is the fifth agent/publisher that rejected my book. I’ll never find an agent/publisher. I might as well give up.”
Sinking deeper into the clutches of the mind trap, the negative self-talk spools on. “Those agents/publishers are right. I can’t write. My book stinks. I’m a no-talent nobody.”
Writer X reacts by having a drink. Or three.
Demolishes a box of chocolates.
Inhales a bag of potato chips.
Digs out the stash.
Snarls at his/her partner, friend, boss, colleague, editor.
Barks at the dog.
Hisses at the cat.
Finally, ensnared even deeper by lethal coils of his/her own self-created trap, Writer X throws up his/her hands in defeat, and ditches his/her manuscript where it sits gathering cyber dust on his/her computer — a depressing reminder of crushed hopes and dreams.
Listen for words like always, all, everybody, either-or, nobody, never, or none. They are clues that you have been trapped by all-or-none thinking.
The Rx.
Really? Only five?
What about Harry Potter? According to Siri, there were 12 rejections before J. K. Rowling found a publisher.
Or what about the time Stephen King was so dejected, he threw the manuscript of Carrie into the trash?
From “rubbish and dull” to “unsaleable and unpublishable,” here are the brutal rejection letters received by some of the world’s all-time bestselling books and authors.
“Yeah, but they’re successful,” retorts the trapped writer.
They weren’t in the beginning, were they?, reality reminds him/her. They didn’t give up, did they?
See what you’re doing to yourself?
You’re hurt, you’re angry, and, imprisoned, you’ve reduced your opportunities to zero.
Maybe the sixth or fourteenth agent/publisher will be the one that makes all the difference, but Writer X will never know. Contemplate my post here about rejection for some realistic perspective (and some black humor) from the editor’s POV.
2. The catastrophe trap.
You’ve just gotten a one-star review on your new mystery and your mood sinks lower than the Mariannas Trench.
“Everyone hates my book. I’m a no-talent loser who’s never going to succeed. That reviewer is right. I might as well give up.”
Say what?
Clue.
You’ve forecast the worst possible outcome based on a single review?
Based on what? One review? As Johnny Mac used to say, “You cannot be serious.”
You’ve fallen right into another sure tip-off to the presence of a mind trap: catastrophic forecasting based on scanty evidence.
Rx.
What about the four 5-star reivews and four 4-star reviews? Don’t they count?
Maybe that reviewer was just having a bad day and would hate Shakespeare’s sonnets.
Or maybe that reviewer loves sweet romance and your hard-boiled mystery is set on the mean streets of Palm Beach.
Or what if that reviewer is a failed writer consumed with jealousy and intent on trashing another writer’s success.
Consider all the possibilities to find your way out of the catastrophe trap.
3. The “Shoulda” trap.
You’ve encountered a plot glitch and you’re driving yourself crazy trying to figure out what the MC/villain does next. No matter how hard you try, every idea goes nowhere. You’ve struck out.
You’re fed up with your manuscript — and with yourself.
“What made me think I could write a mystery? I must have been crazy. I should have tried a romance/scifi/space opera instead.”
You’ve ended up on Nada Street and Zilch Avenue and, in despair, you trash the forty thousand good/terrific/not that bad words you’ve written.
THE CLUE:
Oppressive words like should, ought, must, and have to are deadly third-rail tripwires that cause you to feel ensnared.
The Rx.
Take a break, a walk, have some coffee or a cup of tea. Listen to yourself. Pay careful attention to what you’re thinking. Notice your word choices. Does your interior script tear you down or support you?
Replace oppressive words like shoulda, must and have to with encouraging words that motivate you to review your work in search of another, overlooked possibility or to brainstorm with your buddies for a solution.
4. The blame game.
Your editor points out ways your ending could be strengthened and suggests places where you might consider making revisions.
Do you calmly reread the ending with your editor’s comments in mind?
Do you consult your favorite writing books for ideas about how to improve the ending?
Or do you review Anne’s tips about how to write a satisfying ending.
You don’t?
Instead you blame yourself. “I really screwed up that ending. I’m such a loser. I’ll never be able to write a book anyone wants to read.”
Or how about this?
You make the changes, publish the book and sales are disappointing. Do you blame the editor? “I took his/her advice, but my book didn’t sell. it’s all his/her fault.”
Maybe the blurb needs to be rewritten.
Could be the ending is fine, but the middle of the book is a bit saggy.
Could the formerly hot genre have sunk in popularity?
What if Big Star Author in your genre published a blockbuster Number One book at the same time and sales of all the other books in your genre were down?
One disappointment doesn’t mean that everything you do will be disappointing. For writers, almost everything is fixable. We’re creative!
5. The “but” trap.
When good news is bad news. You downplay your accomplishments or discount your ability.
“I won that prize for best historical mystery, but it was a fluke. Besides, it was from a literary magazine no one ever heard of.”
“My book was a bestseller, but it came out in a month when there wasn’t much competition.”
Traps surround us.
In golf, beware the sand traps.
Lobster traps in Maine.
Bear traps in the woods.
In horror novels and movies, watch out for the trap door.
Mice must shun the mouse trap.
The plant world contributes with the venus fly trap.
Then there are the other kind of traps, mental traps, the ones writers often deal with. Psychologists call them mind traps — specifically, the irrational thought patterns that cause us to feel like victims, helpless, stuck and powerless.
According to psychotherapist, Bryan E. Robinson, PhD, when we’re under stress, it’s easy to get swept away by negative thought patterns that over personalize and distort the actual event. Invisible but powerful, these dangerous traps lurk within us, ready to spring when we’re at our most vulnerable.
Dr. Robinson observes that what you say to yourself under stress pops up so automatically and with such lightning speed that we don’t even notice. Instead, we conclude that the external event — the rejection, the one-star review, the disappointing launch — is to blame for our distress.
To add to the destructive consequences, the stress that caused the trap to spring in the first place is kept alive by our own bleak conclusions — a double whammy that prevents us from escaping and moving forward.
We feel we’ll never get published, never find an agent, never figure out where the plot went off the rails. We cry, we scream, we give up. Our outlook is pessimistic — and getting worse.
We need to rescue ourselves, but how can we when we feel trapped?
1. The all-or-none trap.
Writer X opens his/her mail and finds another rejection slip. Writer X groans/sighs/curses and a familiar script immediately unfolds in his/her mind.
“This is the fifth agent/publisher that rejected my book. I’ll never find an agent/publisher. I might as well give up.”
Sinking deeper into the clutches of the mind trap, the negative self-talk spools on. “Those agents/publishers are right. I can’t write. My book stinks. I’m a no-talent nobody.”
Writer X reacts by having a drink. Or three.
Demolishes a box of chocolates.
Inhales a bag of potato chips.
Digs out the stash.
Snarls at his/her partner, friend, boss, colleague, editor.
Barks at the dog.
Hisses at the cat.
Finally, ensnared even deeper by lethal coils of his/her own self-created trap, Writer X throws up his/her hands in defeat, and ditches his/her manuscript where it sits gathering cyber dust on his/her computer — a depressing reminder of crushed hopes and dreams.
THE CLUES:
Listen for words like always, all, everybody, either-or, nobody, never, or none. They are clues that you have been trapped by all-or-none thinking.
The Rx.
Really? Only five?
What about Harry Potter? According to Siri, there were 12 rejections before J. K. Rowling found a publisher.
Or what about the time Stephen King was so dejected, he threw the manuscript of Carrie into the trash?
From “rubbish and dull” to “unsaleable and unpublishable,” here are the brutal rejection letters received by some of the world’s all-time bestselling books and authors.
“Yeah, but they’re successful,” retorts the trapped writer.
They weren’t in the beginning, were they?, reality reminds him/her. They didn’t give up, did they?
See what you’re doing to yourself?
You’re hurt, you’re angry, and, imprisoned, you’ve reduced your opportunities to zero.
Maybe the sixth or fourteenth agent/publisher will be the one that makes all the difference, but Writer X will never know. Contemplate my post here about rejection for some realistic perspective (and some black humor) from the editor’s POV.
2. The catastrophe trap.
You’ve just gotten a one-star review on your new mystery and your mood sinks lower than the Mariannas Trench.
“Everyone hates my book. I’m a no-talent loser who’s never going to succeed. That reviewer is right. I might as well give up.”
Say what?
Clue.
You’ve forecast the worst possible outcome based on a single review?
Based on what? One review? As Johnny Mac used to say, “You cannot be serious.”
You’ve fallen right into another sure tip-off to the presence of a mind trap: catastrophic forecasting based on scanty evidence.
Rx.
What about the four 5-star reivews and four 4-star reviews? Don’t they count?
Maybe that reviewer was just having a bad day and would hate Shakespeare’s sonnets.
Or maybe that reviewer loves sweet romance and your hard-boiled mystery is set on the mean streets of Palm Beach.
Or what if that reviewer is a failed writer consumed with jealousy and intent on trashing another writer’s success.
Consider all the possibilities to find your way out of the catastrophe trap.
3. The “Shoulda” trap.
You’ve encountered a plot glitch and you’re driving yourself crazy trying to figure out what the MC/villain does next. No matter how hard you try, every idea goes nowhere. You’ve struck out.
You’re fed up with your manuscript — and with yourself.
“What made me think I could write a mystery? I must have been crazy. I should have tried a romance/scifi/space opera instead.”
You’ve ended up on Nada Street and Zilch Avenue and, in despair, you trash the forty thousand good/terrific/not that bad words you’ve written.
THE CLUE:
Oppressive words like should, ought, must, and have to are deadly third-rail tripwires that cause you to feel ensnared.
The Rx.
Take a break, a walk, have some coffee or a cup of tea. Listen to yourself. Pay careful attention to what you’re thinking. Notice your word choices. Does your interior script tear you down or support you?
Replace oppressive words like shoulda, must and have to with encouraging words that motivate you to review your work in search of another, overlooked possibility or to brainstorm with your buddies for a solution.
4. The blame game.
Your editor points out ways your ending could be strengthened and suggests places where you might consider making revisions.
Do you calmly reread the ending with your editor’s comments in mind?
Do you consult your favorite writing books for ideas about how to improve the ending?
Or do you review Anne’s tips about how to write a satisfying ending.
You don’t?
Instead you blame yourself. “I really screwed up that ending. I’m such a loser. I’ll never be able to write a book anyone wants to read.”
Or how about this?
You make the changes, publish the book and sales are disappointing. Do you blame the editor? “I took his/her advice, but my book didn’t sell. it’s all his/her fault.”
THE CLUE:
You come to a sweeping conclusion on the basis of a single event. Feeling trapped, you blame yourself for writing an ending that could be improved and maybe just needs a few tweaks.
Or else, you blame yourself or someone else for events like sales or reviews outside your (or your editor’s) control.
Rx.
When you catch yourself viewing an isolated event as a never-ending pattern of defeat, consider the alternatives.
Perhaps the disappointing sales were a result of a cover that didn’t fit the genre.
You come to a sweeping conclusion on the basis of a single event. Feeling trapped, you blame yourself for writing an ending that could be improved and maybe just needs a few tweaks.
Or else, you blame yourself or someone else for events like sales or reviews outside your (or your editor’s) control.
Rx.
When you catch yourself viewing an isolated event as a never-ending pattern of defeat, consider the alternatives.
Perhaps the disappointing sales were a result of a cover that didn’t fit the genre.
Maybe the blurb needs to be rewritten.
Could be the ending is fine, but the middle of the book is a bit saggy.
Could the formerly hot genre have sunk in popularity?
What if Big Star Author in your genre published a blockbuster Number One book at the same time and sales of all the other books in your genre were down?
One disappointment doesn’t mean that everything you do will be disappointing. For writers, almost everything is fixable. We’re creative!
5. The “but” trap.
When good news is bad news. You downplay your accomplishments or discount your ability.
“I won that prize for best historical mystery, but it was a fluke. Besides, it was from a literary magazine no one ever heard of.”
“My book was a bestseller, but it came out in a month when there wasn’t much competition.”
THE CLUE:
There’s usually a “but” in this mind trap that can help you catch yourself when you feel your positive achievements don’t count.
Rx.
When negative thoughts cancel positives, make a point of turning to your positive accomplishments to escape the “but” trap.
The twist ending.
Can you guess what it is?
I couldn’t.
But Dr. Robinson did.
He points out that each one of these traps — which seem so different on the surface — is the result of exactly the same formula: You overstate the threat at the same time that you underestimate your own ability to deal with it.
Seems hard to believe — until you think about it. The bottom line is that you are the one who sets the trap and, to twist the knife, you are the one who gets trapped.
Now that we have effective techniques to see through the devious ways of self-imposed writer traps, put the Rx into action, escape the trap, and enjoy your freedom.
You’ve earned it!
by Ruth Harris (@RuthHarrisBooks) February 23, 2020
What about you, scriveners? Have you ever fallen into any of these mental traps? Does your thinking go immediately go to worst case scenarios? How do you get yourself out of your mental traps?
BOOK OF THE WEEK
There’s usually a “but” in this mind trap that can help you catch yourself when you feel your positive achievements don’t count.
Rx.
When negative thoughts cancel positives, make a point of turning to your positive accomplishments to escape the “but” trap.
The twist ending.
Can you guess what it is?
I couldn’t.
But Dr. Robinson did.
He points out that each one of these traps — which seem so different on the surface — is the result of exactly the same formula: You overstate the threat at the same time that you underestimate your own ability to deal with it.
Seems hard to believe — until you think about it. The bottom line is that you are the one who sets the trap and, to twist the knife, you are the one who gets trapped.
Now that we have effective techniques to see through the devious ways of self-imposed writer traps, put the Rx into action, escape the trap, and enjoy your freedom.
You’ve earned it!
by Ruth Harris (@RuthHarrisBooks) February 23, 2020
***
What about you, scriveners? Have you ever fallen into any of these mental traps? Does your thinking go immediately go to worst case scenarios? How do you get yourself out of your mental traps?
BOOK OF THE WEEK
HUSBANDS AND LOVERS (Park Avenue Series, Book #2)—The Married Woman—Once a shy wallflower, Carlys Webber marries multimillionaire Kirk Arnold. When Kirk changes from a loving husband to an angry stranger, will Carlys risk her precious marriage for a few moments of stolen passion with the irresistibly handsome and sensuous architect, George Kouras?
The Single Woman—Fashion world superstar, Jade Mullen survives deception and divorce. She vows never to be betrayed again but what will she do when her devoted lover, architect George Kouras, asks her the one question she doesn’t want to answer?
The Husband—Kirk Arnold struggles to forget the dark secrets of his tormented past. He achieves one dazzling success after another but will he succumb to the tragedy that destroyed his family and will Carlys pay the price?
The Lover—George Kouras rises from humble beginnings to the top of his profession. He and Jade fall madly in love and think they have discovered a new way to live happily ever after, but what will she do when she finds out about George and Carlys?
Set in the glittering world of fashion and in high-powered executive suites, in run-down houses, ethnic neighborhoods and sedate suburbs, Husbands and Lovers is about men and women losing—and finding themselves—in the gritty 1970s and glitzy 1980s. “Steamy and fast-paced, you will be spellbound.”–Cosmopolitan
Available from All the Amazons Nook Kobo Google Play
The Single Woman—Fashion world superstar, Jade Mullen survives deception and divorce. She vows never to be betrayed again but what will she do when her devoted lover, architect George Kouras, asks her the one question she doesn’t want to answer?
The Husband—Kirk Arnold struggles to forget the dark secrets of his tormented past. He achieves one dazzling success after another but will he succumb to the tragedy that destroyed his family and will Carlys pay the price?
The Lover—George Kouras rises from humble beginnings to the top of his profession. He and Jade fall madly in love and think they have discovered a new way to live happily ever after, but what will she do when she finds out about George and Carlys?
Set in the glittering world of fashion and in high-powered executive suites, in run-down houses, ethnic neighborhoods and sedate suburbs, Husbands and Lovers is about men and women losing—and finding themselves—in the gritty 1970s and glitzy 1980s. “Steamy and fast-paced, you will be spellbound.”–Cosmopolitan
Available from All the Amazons Nook Kobo Google Play
