Our guest blogger is Sam Cheever who demonstrating how to check your scenes with a professional. This not only brings more realism to your work but also polishes your credibility with your reader.
Sam Cheever:
What do you do when you want to write an exciting scene
about landing a private plane on a mile-long strip of unfinished highway in the
middle of an ice storm? Well, if you have no idea how to fly a private plane,
let alone during such challenging conditions, you go to the experts and ask for
help. The obvious challenge here is that there is just so much to ask. Where do
you start? I struggled with this question for a while and then decided the
simplest way was to write the scene, after getting some basic information from
the pilot, and then giving it to the real pilot to fix.
Good idea, right? LOL
My Honeybun Heat romantic suspense series features eight
talented brothers, each embracing a totally different career and lifestyle and
having a unique array of talents. One of the brothers, Godric, is a surgeon as
well as a pilot. He has a small private plane that he likes to torture his
brothers and their honeys with. The man is seriously unbalanced when it comes
to airborne acrobatics. However, sometimes, like in the scene I’m highlighting
here, he’s forced to be a daredevil for more important reasons. As in saving
the life of his brother’s new girlfriend.
The following snippet is from Book 6: Honeybun at a Dude
Ranch.
I’ll provide the snippet first as it was originally written, then give
you the same scene with the expert’s input, and then provide the final, corrected
scene. Enjoy!
The scene as
originally written:
***
Seconds later he heard, “November six zero, Foxtrot, Eau
Claire.”
“Eau Claire, three one six zero Foxtrot, I’m a Cessna CE 525
northwest of Eau Claire heading one-seven at six five zero zero feet.”
“Copy six zero Foxtrot, do you want to land at Eau Claire?”
“If I can get there. Otherwise I may need an alternate. I’m
experiencing medium to heavy icing and my anti/deicing system may not be
adequate. I’m losing about fifty feet a minute.”
The Cessna shimmied. He only had another twenty percent of
power. He glanced at his altimeter. “Affirmative Eau Claire, I need an
emergency!” He prayed there were no obstructions in front of him.
“Six zero Foxtrot, on key, squawk your transponder, code two
thousand, so we can try to locate you.”
Godric dialed in the frequency and when the light came on he
pushed the squawk button.
“Six zero Foxtrot, you’re right on the edge of our screen.
So, you’re about thirty miles out. What’s your situation now?”
“Eau Claire, we’re still at five thousand feet, but we’re
sinking at one hundred per minute now.”
“Stand by six zero Foxtrot.
He listened as the ATF broadcast an all frequency emergency
declaration diverting all aircraft out of the area and alerting fire and rescue
personnel in the area.” Then ATF told him to switch to an emergency frequency
and stay on it. “Cessna six zero Foxtrot, there is a new highway under
construction at two o’clock to your current position; about ten miles out. Your
glide slope looks good to make that. Do you wish to attempt a landing there?”
“Yes, sir.”
The road runs about fifty yards parallel to the river. The
county sheriff has two, maybe three cars, that can be there. They will have
flares, and the headlights of their patrol cars to help you out.”
The scene with the
expert pilot’s input (In yellow):
Has
Godric filed a Flight Plan for this flight?
P4 =
COMMENT = 7,000 feet is probably not going to get you above the squalls, but
I’ll give you that. However, when he says “I’d like to stay [on visual flight
for] VFR as long as possible. – I may have to request IFR to get into Eau
Claire though, …
P6 = I
need a half-mile of runway to land this thing on dry runway, if the runway is
icy or slick, we’ll have to hope the thrust reversers aren’t iced open.
COMMENT
= delete “The smaller airports don’t have long enough runways or IFR
capability.
COMMENT IFR = Instrument Flight Rules are in effect. VFR = Visual
Flight Rules are in effect. Instrument landings at airports use the ILS
(Instrument Landing System)
If you
want to slow the action down, you could have Godric mention the ILS and then
Brita could ask “What’s ILS?” Then Godric could explain, “Instrument Landing
System. In Star Trek terms, I can lock onto their [tractor] beam and fly it
down to the edge of the airport.”
P19, 20
& 21 = Here is where we have some
major problems. COMMENT = Godric struggled visibly to keep the plane at
altitude. Godric continued to add power and pull back on the yoke to maintain
level flight. He glanced often at the altimeter. But, he was losing
altitude. [I assume the “Scene Removed”
moved the aircraft closer to Eau Claire] Where
are we? He checked his chart and dialed in the Eau Claire Approach
frequency. After several seconds of debate, he keyed the mike and said, “Eau
Claire, this is November Six Zero Foxtrot.”
[This is fairly verbatim of what the exchange
would sound like – note that in most communications between aircraft and tower,
they will only use the last two numbers and the Alpha designation and in the
USA all tail numbers begin with “N” or November.]
I’m not
going to try to “edit” your mss. I’m going to make comments referencing
paragraphs since some of my comments will also include the rationale for my
comments.
***
Seconds later he heard, “November six zero, Foxtrot, Eau
Claire.”
Eau Claire, three one six zero Foxtrot, I’m a Cessna CE 525
northwest of Eau Claire heading one-seven at six five zero zero feet.
Copy six zero Foxtrot, do you want to land at Eau Claire?
If I can get there! Otherwise I may need an alternate. I’m
experiencing medium to heavy icing and my anti/deicing system may not be
adequate. I’m losing about fifty feet a minute.
P22 =
“Cessna six zero Foxtrot, there are no alternate landing locations due to the
weather. Do you want to declare an emergency?”
P23 = The
Cessna shimmied. It’s
engines He only had another twenty percent of power. He glanced at his
altimeter. “Affirmative Eau Claire, I need an emergency!” He prayed there were
no obstructions in front of him.
Six zero Foxtrot, on key, squawk your transponder, code two
thousand, so we can try to locate you.
Godric dialed in the frequency and when the light came on he
pushed the squawk button.
Six zero Foxtrot, you’re right on the edge of our screen. So
you’re about thirty miles out. What’s your situation now?
Eau Claire, we’re still sat five thousand feet, but we’re
sinking at one hundred per minute now.
Stand by six zero “Foxtrot.
He listened as the ATF broadcast an all frequency emergency
declaration diverting all aircraft out of the area and alerting fire and rescue
personnel in the area. Then ATF told him to switch to an emergency frequency
and stay on it. No one
else will be on that frequency but ATF, Godric and emergency personnel on the
ground.
P28 =
COMMENT = ATF will never turn aircraft that are experiencing icing problems
until they explain what is happening.
Cessna
six zero Foxtrot, there is a new highway under construction at two o’clock to
your current position; about ten miles out. Your glide slope looks good to make
that. Do you wish to attempt a landing there?”
“Yes,
sir.”
[When
you see the river you will be fifty yards from the road]
The road runs about fifty yards parallel to the river. The
county sheriff has two, maybe three cars, that can be there. They will have
flares, and the headlights of their patrol cars to help you out. Good luck!”
NO GOOD
LUCKS YET! ATF is not signing off. They will stay on the emergency frequency
and become a forwarding radio if necessary, since their transmission tower is
higher than most in the area.
P37
Comment SD7) I’d probably say something like “A gust of wind yawed the nose to
the right and Godric had to crab …
The scene with the
expert’s input crafted into it:
Wow! There’s a lot here, right? But I managed, after a lot
of thought and rewriting, to come up with the following final scene. I don’t
mind admitting that I was totally wrung out after writing this scene. But I’m
really happy with how it turned out! This time I’ll take you all the way to the
end of the scene so you’re not left hanging. #:0):
***
Seconds later he heard, “November six zero, Foxtrot, Eau
Claire.”
“Eau Claire, three one six zero Foxtrot, I’m a Cessna CE 525
northwest of Eau Claire heading one-seven at six five zero zero feet.”
“Copy six zero Foxtrot, do you want to land at Eau Claire?”
“If I can get there. Otherwise I may need an alternate. I’m
experiencing medium to heavy icing and my anti/deicing system may not be
adequate. I’m losing about fifty feet a minute.”
“Cessna six zero Foxtrot, there are no alternate landing
locations due to the weather. Do you want to declare an emergency?”
The Cessna shimmied. He only had twenty percent power. Godric glanced at his altimeter. “Affirmative Eau Claire, I need an emergency!”
He prayed there were no obstructions in front of him.
“Six zero Foxtrot, on key, squawk your transponder, code two
thousand, so we can try to locate you.”
Godric dialed in the frequency and when the light came on he
pushed the squawk button.
“Six zero Foxtrot, you’re right on the edge of our screen,
about thirty miles out. What’s your situation now?”
“Eau Claire, we’re still at five thousand feet, but we’re
sinking at one hundred per minute now.”
“Stand by six zero Foxtrot.”
Tension filled the jet as the plane continued to fight
against the dragging weight of the building ice. Wind buffeted them, providing
another factor to worry about in an unplanned landing.
For the first time since climbing into the plane with his
brothers, Heathcliffe worried that he wouldn’t make it to Nita at all, let
alone in time to save her from the Kleins.
No one spoke as they waited. Even Alastair had stopped
groaning and was clutching the arms of his seat, his face pasty white.
They listened as the ATF broadcasted an all frequency
emergency declaration, diverting all aircraft out of the area and alerting fire
and rescue personnel.
ATF told Godric to switch to an emergency frequency which
would be monitored only by them, Godric, and emergency personnel on the ground.
“Cessna six zero Foxtrot, there is a new highway under
construction at two o’clock to your current position, about ten miles out. Your
glide slope looks good to make that. Do you wish to attempt a landing there?”
“Yes, sir.”
“The road runs about fifty yards parallel to the river. The
county sheriff has two, maybe three cars en route. They’ll have flares, and the
headlights of their patrol cars to help you out.”
Godric’s face was grim as he began preparations to land. He
lowered the landing gear and flaps and reduced speed to 190 km/h. “Ladies and
gentlemen, thank you for flying Honeybun Hell airlines. Please assume the crash
position and say your prayers. We’re about to land this pig on an ice-covered
highway. Let’s hope the thrust reversers aren’t iced open. I’m not sure I can
pull this off if they are.”
Heathcliffe reached over and squeezed his brother’s shoulder,
lying right to his face. “My pits aren’t even sweaty, bro. I know you’ve got
this.”
Godric snorted. “You always were the stupid one in the
family.”
A moment later Clovis yelled, “There’s the river!”
“Okay.” Godric said. “I have a visual on the road.” A couple
of flares showed the end of the asphalt past the river and a couple more
flashed in the distance. In the center of the space two more danced, as cops
ran to position them along the edges, flinging traffic cones aside as they ran.
Two pairs of headlights shone just past the last set of
flares and lights flashed from the tops of two cruisers. Apparently, the cops
had more confidence in Godric’s level of control than he did.
In the distance the flash and pulse of lights along the top
edge of a fire truck painted the night in red, yellow, and white hues.
About five kilometers away from the edge of the asphalt,
Godric pulled back on the stick to raise the nose up past the horizon. He
reduced airspeed as much as he could with the flaps and the throttle.
When he hit the edge of the makeshift runway, he had 6 to 9
meters of altitude. He pitched the nose up 15 degrees.
A gust of wind yawed the nose of the plane to the right and
Godric had to crab it to compensate. He lost several hundred feet of runway to
the action and, by the time he was straight again he had to drop fast or risk
overrunning the available runway—a guaranteed crash situation.
There was no time to pull up and circle around. Ice was
building on the jet’s wings at the rate of an inch every five minutes.
Godric yelled, “Hold on, folks!” He cut the throttle to
zero, chopping it, and the plane dropped the rest of the way down. The tires
hit hard and the Cessna bounced, setting down even harder the second time. The
tires skipped but held, but the plane was moving way too fast.
The first set of flares flashed by and the second set
quickly followed. The last set of flares and those stupid headlights were
looming much too quickly. Godric laid on the throttle and fishtailed the plane
in an attempt to slow it more quickly.
“Come on, baby!” he screamed over the roar of tires on
virgin asphalt. Ice pelted the windshield but visibility had improved. Godric
could just about make out the pale faces of the two cops watching him roar
toward them.
He pinpointed the moment they both realized it had been a
mistake to park their cruisers at the end of the runway.
They started running toward their cars.
Godric’s hands gripped the throttle, jamming it forward, the
tires squealed, the plane skidded slightly sideways on a random patch of black
ice, and the overburdened tires finally locked, throwing up smoke that Godric
could see through the cockpit windshield.
The plane eased down the last several yards of the runway,
slipped past the final flares, and came to an uneasy rest with its nose nestled
neatly between the two cop cars.
The lights on the top of the patrol vehicles flashed through
the cockpit. The cops inside stared, dumfounded toward the plane, their faces
portraying the ‘oh crap!’ moment with supreme eloquence.
Tense silence filled the pane for a long moment and then a
cheer went up and everybody surged forward to slap Godric on the back.
Godric dropped his head and swore, lifting his shaking hands
from the throttle.
Heathcliffe was already opening the door and dropping the
steps. He was going to find the woman he loved.
If you enjoyed reading this, you'll love reading more of Sam Cheevers work in Summer Snoops!
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